


The Avengers Suck Too

by AnonymouslyDead



Series: Fun Times In Lego Gotham City [2]
Category: The LEGO Batman Movie
Genre: Basically Batman ends up at a Vilian sleepover, Everyone loves Robin, F/F, M/M, The avengers show up too, while Harley plays Batman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-01 23:38:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10203434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Joker's plan involved three steps.1. Convince Harley to admit her feelings for Ivy with a complex, action packed scheme.2. Kidnap and distract Batman to keep him from ruining his scheme.3. Watch his girlbuddy get her girl.The Avengers showing up wasn't apart of the plan, but honestly? It makes for good television.





	1. Batman is Kidnapped and Ivy is Pissed

Batman slowly blinked awake, barely conscious. He registered the tight ropes around his body and panicked. He frantically struggled against his bonds to get free to no avail.

Batman tried to remember what led him here. He and Robin were out trying to stop the rampage Poison Ivy had went on. They were approaching the building that Ivy had turned into a jungle of ivy and flowers when a cloth was forced into his face. Now, he was here. 

Batman began to hyperventilate. Where was Robin? Was he safe? Oh god, did someone kidnap his son? Batman began to thrash harder, screaming. 

"Geez, Batman calm down." A familiar voice sounded from in front of him. The sack was lifted from his head to reveal green hair and a fanged smile. 

"Joker." Batman groaned. Of course, it was Joker. 

"Nice to see you to Batman." Joker sarcastically. 

"Where's my son? Robin!" Batman growled. 

"Hey, Batdad!" Robin popped into the room of what looked like a warehouse. He carried an ice cream cone stacked high with many different flavors. Robin struggled to balance the tall treat while still trying to eat it. 

"What? Robin, don't eat that! It's probably poison!" 

"No, it's vanilla, chocolate, rocky road, mint, and strawberry." Robin said. "Mr. Freeze made it for me!" 

"...What?" Batman asked. He was at a complete loss. Me. Freeze making ice cream was completely out of character for him, not to mention for a superhero. 

"Let me get those ropes for you, Batsy. You seem to be a bit tied up at the moment." Batman groaned. 

"Hey, I could leave you like that." Joker warned. 

"You wouldn't cause you hate me so much!" Batman shot back. A second of silence passed. 

"You've gotta point. Plus, you'd miss the show!" With that, Joker made quick work out of removing the ropes. 

"What show? What are you planning, clown?" Batman stood, stretching his cramped muscles. God, how long had he been tied to a chair? 

"Now now, Batsy. That would spoil the surprise! If you'd just step this way..." Joker lead him and Robin through the warehouse to a small living area. A old leather couch sat in front on an older television set. Joker plopped down onto one side of the couch, gesturing the other two to sit as well.

"You kidnapped me to watch television?" Batman asked squished between the other two. "Couldn't you have just called or something?" 

"With what number?" 

"...." 

"That's what I thought." Joker pulled a remote out of the couch cushion and clicked on the television. A news channel flickered onto the screen. 

"As you can see, the Gotham City Police Department building is still being held captive by the villain known as Poison Ivy." An anchorwoman surrounded by a crowd of onlookers and police officers announced to the camera. Ivy has encased the building in vines with many police officers including our beloved Commissioner Barbara Gordon trapped inside. So far, there has been no sight of Batman or his companions. One can only hope that they arrive soon." 

"Oh god, I've gotta go!" Batman jumped up only to be pulled down by an annoyed clown. "What gives?" 

"Don't worry about it, Bats. I sent Harley to deal with Ivy. It's all part of the plan." 

"Seriously, what plan are you talking about?" Batman asked, exasperated. 

"Just sit tight for once, would ya?" Joker whined. 

**********************

Ivy sat up atop of the GCPD building, admiring her handy work. The vines she had planted were starting to worm their way across the street towards downtown Gotham. She smiled. It was always a lovely sight to see nature overrun humanity.

A scuffle sounded behind her. She tenses up, ready to take on Batman once again. She turned. 

Only to find her best friend standing there. She relaxed. Then, she remembered that she was extremely angry at her and gave the other her best glare. 

"Look, I know you're mad-" Harley started. 

"I don't wanna hear it, Harley." 

"But-"

"Nope" Ivy turned her back to the other, watching people run screaming from her snaking plants. 

Harley sneered. "All this over a potted plant? Really?" Harley shouted, arms flailing. 

Ivy quickly turned back around, glare even more intensely as if she had suggested that they murder children. "It's not just any potted plant! It was my carefully cultivated genetically enhanced castor oil plant! I spent months working on perfecting its genes in order to produce an even more potent poison and you killed it! You killed my Harl-" Ivy slammed her hands over her mouth. Her face quickly reddened. 

"You're blaming me? I didn't-" 

"No excuses!" Ivy screeched. She made a weird gesture with her hands. Suddenly, a vine whipped itself up and around Harley's waist. Harley was lifted away from the rooftop back to the ground. Ivy looked down at the tiny Harley. 

"This is a one villain scheme! Go away!" Ivy shouted, going back to covering Gotham in her foliage.

*******************

"....It seems even fellow villain, Harley Quinn couldn't even stop Poison Ivy's rampage and with no Batman in sight, it seems that Gotham is really in trouble now."

"No no no! Harley, what are you doing?" Joker groaned, covering his eyes with his hands. 

"What are you going on about now?" Batman asked, walking back into the living area. He carried a large bowl of popcorn back to the couch. Joker blindly reached for some and shoved it into his mouth, never taking his eyes off the screen. 

"I still don't understand what your plan is." Batman sighed. 

"Ok, so Ivy's really mad, right? So Harley is supposed to go in save the day. They bicker and fight. Exchange a few one liners and bam!" Joker smacked his hands to emphasis his point. "Ivy and Harley admit their repressed feelings for each other and begin a ship!" 

"That's ridiculous. How would that ever result in a relationship?"

"What? That's how you and I got together after 76 years!" Batman only grumbled in response Joker snuggled his way into Batman's side, knocking Batman's popcorn to the floor. "Come on. You hate me. Admit it." 

"I really hate you now" Batman said sarcastically. Joker frowned. 

"Why are you so grumpy tonight?"

"I'm Batman. I'm always grumpy." Batman said, amused but not showing it. Despite his claims, he wrapped his arms around Joker, drawing him even closer. 

"Oh, is that a challenge? I bet I could make you smile." Joker had his hands on either side of Batman's face. 

"If this is going where I think it is-" Joker cut him off by pressing his lips to his. Joker started pressing kisses to Batman's face. 

"Not again!" Batman laughed, pushing him away. Joker smiled triumphant. 

"Not so brooding now, are you Batsy?" 

"Shut up." Batman dug his hands into Joker's green hair, leaning in to shut him up himself. 

"Hey Batdad! Look what Miss Catwoman showed-" Robin and Catwoman stopped in their tracks. Joker and Batman looked up from the couch. Joker was in Batman's lap while Batman had Joker's makeup dusted on his reddening face. Arkward silence filled the room.

"...Robin, why do you look like a cat?" Robin's eyes widened even bigger if that was even possible. The kid started jumping up and down excitedly, the cat ear headband on his head falling in front his bewhiskered face. 

"Is Joker my other dad now? Do I have even more dads now?" Robin seemed ready to explode with excitement even as Catwoman struggled to pull him away from the scene. 


	2. From a Different Perspective

"Stupid Ivy!" A giant hammer shattered a storefront window. "Blaming me!" A parking meter was smashed into an odd looking angle. "For her stupid plant!" A nearby sign gained a huge dent.

She threw her hammer over her shoulder, momentarily satisfied with the property damage she caused. She started to skate down the sidewalk harder. The streets were long clear of people. Anyone with enough sense had long since cleared out of Gotham. 

Harley huffed. This whole situation was stupid. Ivy was mad at her for something she didn't even do, yet Joker expected her to solve this mess herself. Why couldn't Batman do it? That's literally all he does. 

That and making out with Joker which is probably why she hadn't run into Batman yet. Harley groaned. Joker had sent her out just to get his Bat, didn't he? 

Harley stopped her skates by a nice little park. She made her way past the fancy brick entrance, down another sidewalk, and finally dropped herself at a bench hidden behind a tree. 

Well if Ivy wanted to be mad at her, she could be mad too! She made a face at the lovely park's scenery. No, being rejected by her best friend/crush didn't hurt. Not at all. It only served to fuel her rage-

Who was she kidding? She felt absolutely horrible. Ivy thought she was capable of doing something that hurt Ivy this bad. It was making her feel absolutely sick to think about. How was she going to solve this whole mess when Ivy wouldn't even allow her to say half a sentence? 

"What would Batman do?" Harley asked no one. Batman would probably search for clues. A lot of villains set up complex schemes with clues left behind to tease Batman along the way. The only logical next step would be to find the crime scene and search for them. 

And she knew just where to find them. With a newfound energy, she got up and skate her hardest out of the park, heading for Downtown Gotham. 

*********************

Barbara was growing more and more done as the minutes ticked by. 

The GCPD was had become completely anarchic. Officers were either running about, screaming how they were all going to die, or looking to her for a miracle plan. Case reports flew through the air as officers scrambled to find some way out of the building that was being choked by plants. The old building's bricks shook and groaned as the vines tightened their grip around it. It was only a matter of time before the whole building came down. 

"Ok everyone, I know the situation looks dire-" Barbara announced. Someone screamed, cutting her off. She had to surpress a growl. "If everyone could just calm down-" 

"We need Batman!!" someone screamed. Several officers shouted in a frenzy. No one listened to Barbara. Someone even decided to light a desk on fire.

"Well, Batman's not here!" Barbara screamed, causing everyone to stop their mid-riot.

Barbara sighed in relief, thinking that she had finally regained control. Then, the crying started. The officers wailed and moaned at the top of their lungs. These groan adults acted like Barbara broke their hearts which makes sense. Batman had been these people's hope for years. 

Maybe, they needed a new hope. One that was currently stored in her desk, neatly folded away under stacks of case reports. 

"Ok, I'm just going to step into my office for a minute." The crying officers didn't acknowledge her. They only cried harder if anything. Perfect. She slipped away to get dressed.

************************

Tony was reading the newspaper on his newly developed Starkpad at his kitchen table. The rest of the avengers were scattered across the room. Clint was perched on the counter in pajama pants with Natasha standing nearby on her phone, waiting for coffee to brew. Sam was trying to teach Thor the joys of waffles. Bruce, Wanda, and Pietro were all busy finding their own breakfast while quietly conversing. 

The peaceful moment brought a smile to Tony's face. Moments when the team wasn't scattered across the globe on different missions were rare, especially moments where they weren't all bickering with each other. He should've known Steve would ruin it. 

"Team, we have a new mission," Steve said, walking into the kitchen. Clint groaned. 

"Can't this wait? It's too fricking early for mission debriefing!" 

"Clint, it's midnight." Everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at Steve. 

"What do you mean it's midnight?" Sam asked. 

"Look, I know the last mission left us with a messed up sleep schedule, but an issue has arisen. There's a dire situation in Gotham City that needs our help." 

Tony almost choked on his coffee. "Gotham City? As in home of the weird clown that stole my helmet? Nope." 

"Tony! We can't just not go! People's lives at stake! Steve cried. 

"Nope, I'm not going." Tony stood and made to leave. "Can't they just call Batman or something?"

"No one can find Batman!" Steve protested, moving to stop Tony from leaving. The two were now arguing face to face.

"Then, call the Justice League or something!"

"Now. Now. You two are both beautiful." Clint said, pushing himself between the two. 

"Guys, look at this." Natasha interrupted. Everyone turned to her to find her holding up her phone. Dark green splotches filled parts of the screen. A woman's face could barely be seen between the blobs. 

"What the heck? Is that you, Bruce?" Tony asked. Bruce only rolled his eyes

"Tony, shush!" Natasha turned up the volume. 

"This is Vicki Vale with Gotham City Live stating that DEAR GOD HELP! SOMEONE! ANYONE! IT'S ABSOLUTE PLANT BASED CHAOS IN GOTHAM CITY. WE ARE ALL LITERALLY GOING TO DIE!" 

"It's live footage. Apparently, the city is being overrun by plants." Natasha stared at Tony meaningfully. He sighed. 

"Fine. Avengers assemble!" Tony grumbled. 

"That my line!" Steve cried. 

***************************

"Meow meow! Batman, stop moving!" 

"I can't get to your eyes, Padre!" 

"Last time I checked, I don't have eyes in this cowl!" Batman said, annoyed. 

"Then, I'll do your eye makeup on your cowl," Robin smiled, holding a small compact full of multicolored eyeshadows. From the side, Catwoman was trying to put blush on the exposed part of his face. Batman struggled to keep the four hands off of his face. 

"Can I get a little help here?" Batman said to Joker. Joker yawned lazily from where he was curled up on the couch. 

"Be sure to use bright colors so that they show up on his cowl, kid." 

"Thanks, Dad!"Joker blinked. The kid switched from smearing a dark violet eyeshadow to the most obnoxious yellow he had ever seen onto a tiny brush as if the kid hadn't said anything out of the ordinary. 

"Apparently, I'm dad now. What do you think of that, Bats?" Joker teased. Batman paid the clown no mind, choosing instead to fight back Catwoman and her attempts to smear body glitter on his cowl. 

"So help me if any glitter touches me-" 

"Hi guy! What's going on-BATMAN!" Condiment King jumped at the sight of the caped crusader, taking a fighting stance. He didn't look as intimidating without his ketchup and mustard guns though. 

"Meow meow! Calm down, Colonel Mustard, Batman is busy getting a makeover." 

"Oh." Condiment King relaxed. "Can I help? I have some yellow ribbons. We can make him look cute!"

"Batman is not cute!" Batman pouted. 

"Oh, I beg to differ." Joker quipped back. 

By the time the three were finished with Batman, He was in fact the cutest vigilante of them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, I hope this makes sense. Lol  
> I named this chapter for the four different perspectives i wrote in if that wasn't obvious


	3. The Plot Thickens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens. Discoveries are made. The word vine is used a lot lol

Harley rolled to a stop in front of the Gotham's public greenhouse. Ivy could never grown anything in the warehouse considering it had no windows or natural lighting so Ivy stashed her seemingly innocent plants among other plants.

This was also the source of all of Ivy's plants. Vines had punctured the building's glass windows and poured out of the resulted openings. The wine weaved their way around the building and into the streets, encasing the whole building webs of plant material even the door. 

It turned out that vines were stronger than Harley thought. She tried to push open the door to no avail. She pushed all of her weight and even charged the door only to receive a sore shoulder. 

Frustrated, Harley scouted the building for a spot without vines. She took a step back, took her hammer into her hands, and steeled herself. She gave the glass of the building wide swing. The glass shattered loudly, sending shards flying through the air. Harley cleared away the remaining glass until she made a suitable hole. 

Carefully, she stepped through the hole, avoiding stepping on the mess she'd made. The dim room before her was lined with rows of plants in raised boxes and troughs. Stray pots were gathered to the edges of the room. 

She started down the rows, looking for anything that stood out as exceptionally dead. From the poor state of some of the plants she saw, it was a wonder why Ivy didn't go on a rampage sooner. 

She made it to the other end of the room when something red behind a crowd of pots caught her eye. She scooted the other pots out of the way. 

Now, she could see why Ivy was so mad. Hell, it made her mad to look at. Someone has taken it upon themselves to smash the candy red pot. The shards had been swept into a dirty pile as if someone had tried to hide their deed. The plant laid rejected in a loose pile of sticky soil. There was no mistaking that it was deceased; the leaves had been ripped apart and rest of the plant looked like someone had stepped on it.

Harley shifted through the wreckage, looking for any clues as to who could do such a thing. She picked up one of the larger shards of the pot and dusted off the soil. A Roman numeral two was written on the porcelain in marker along with another series of lines. 

Excited, she began to assemble the pieces. It was difficult due to the shape of the pot and the varying sizes of the shards. However, she finally managed to get the message. 

She gasped. From what she could put together, the pot spelled out HARLEY II. She dug through the remaining shards to find her signature diamonds drawn on the pot. There was no mistaking who the plant was named after.

She stared. A light giddy feeling grew in her insides, causing her to fall into a fit of giggles. Her cheeks reddened. She could see Ivy fussing over this plant, talking to it as if it was actually her. How cute was that? 

Whoever killed Harley II was definitely taking a hammer to the head now. 

She stood up, dusting the dirt off of her legs. She made to leave when something else caught her eye. A black piece of fabric was draped across the poppies in the a neighboring pot. Upon picking it up, she realized it was a mask and not just any mask. It was an old version of her mask with red diamonds decorating the corners. 

Harley growled. No wonder Ivy was so mad at her. She had been framed, and there was only one person she could think of that could've gotten this. 

Boo boo bear was gonna have some boo boos tonight right after she proved her innocence. 

*************************

Ivy walked between the rooftops. Vines weaved themselves into bridges as crossed an empty alley between buildings. Not satisfied, the vines built themselves up higher into a spiraling staircase. Ivy carefully made her way to the top. She could see Gotham in all of its glory from its height. 

But there was still no Bat signal shining above it all. Ivy gave a heavy sigh. She took a seat on the last stair of the makeshift staircase and pouted. Where the heck was Batman anyway, or any vigilante for that matter? 

She angrily cursed out every hero she could think of. How was she supposed to feel better about anything if no tried to stop her? Who was she going to pin all of her problems on heroes that she could beat up? 

Ivy frowned. Harley has said of this was for a potted plant, but it was more than that, wasn't it? That plant held much more sentiment than just an experiment would, leading to her giving it such an embarrassing name. 

Seeing it smashed felt like a rejection, especially since she had blindly believed that Harley would do such a thing. But the more she thought about it, the more improbable it seemed. Harley seemed innocent. Plus, Harley was smart enough not to leave a mask at the scene. Maybe, she should just leave- 

Something whistled through the air. The vines holding her up shook before giving out completely, sending her falling. The plants underneath her quickly reformed into a net and caught her before she could faceplant on the rooftop. 

Ivy scowled. Something metallic glinted as it soared by. Ivy sent her vines to snatch it out of the air. The vines swiped again and again only to barely miss the zipping object. Said object sent blue beams flying at her vines, charring them on contact. Ivy's heart hurt even more at sight and fueled her need for violence. 

She sent more vines to grab at the object. She cheered as they finally managed to snag the annoying thing. The mysterious object protested, but the foliage managed to fling it right to her feet with a metallic clang. 

"Ugh, glad I wore a helmet." The man groaned, pulling himself to his feet. He was indeed wearing a helmet- a shiny red bicycle helmet that clashed with the intricate suit of armor that covered the rest of the man. At the sight of her, the man tensed, holding up his hands to fire at her. 

Ivy raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?"

"A clown stole my helmet! Give me a break!" The man wailed. Unimpressed, Ivy nodded. Plants whipped around the man's wrists, yanking them until they were behind the man's back. They continued to pull at the man until he fell onto his back. 

Another whistle rang through the air, this time followed by a thud. Ivy followed the noise to a rooftop across the street just in time to move out of the projectile's way. An arrow buried itself into the rooftop where she just stood. She fillies her wrist and the figure's bow was snapped into two. 

A loud guttural yell sounded through Gotham's streets along with a sudden burst of lightning (which was strange since it was such a clear night a second ago.) However, it was the helicopter with a shield logo on the body that made her realize what was going on. 

The Avengers had come for her. A nasty, evil smirk stretched across her face. Perfect. 

**********************

Harley was once again rolling down the sidewalks of Gotham so hard that she passed up her destination. She had whip herself back around on a lamppost to go back to a small hole in the wall gardening store. 

The shop was seedy looking, just like everything in Gotham was. The shelves had a thick layer of dust covering all of its contents. Gardening equipment with nicks and rust hung from the walls. The farming magazines on a revolving rack were outdated by five years, clearly only there for show. A way to hide illegal activities that went on in the back room. 

The man at the counter frowned at her. Whether he was wondering why she was out in the plant based apocalypse or why she was dressed like she was, she didn't care. 

"I need castor oil seeds now." She stated in her best authoritative voice. 

The storekeeper blinked in confusion. "...This is a gardening store. We have tomato plants!" He chirped with a nervous smile, pulling out a small plant in a paper cup. 

"No, I want castor oil seeds. I know you sell poisons here." 

"No, I don't-"

"I don't have time for this. Do I need to call Cobblepot?" She said, already pulled out her phone. She scrolled through her contacts until an emoji penguin came into view. She pressed it and waited, much to the shopkeeper's horror. 

"Oswald! Hi, how are you?" She chirped with fake cheer into her phone.

"What do you want, Harley?" Geez, the man was as grumpy as ever. 

"Your shopkeep's being really mean," Harley said in an exaggerated childish voice. "and you know what happened to the last one that did that."

"She left a pretty strongly worded letter about you after she quit a few days after." 

"Yeah, she burned pretty well considering it had rained that day." The shopkeeper was getting antsy now. He was eyeing her like she was a predator ready to pounce. She had to resist letting out a giggle at the sight. 

"Well, I suppose I could just maim him. That would be easier. Of course if I could just get what I want-" The quickly ran for the back room, coming back with a small white envelope. She inspected the envelope to find five large yellow and black seeds resting in it. 

"Thank ya very much," she said with a bright smile. "I'm also gonna need a pot, some soil...Oh! And a marker." The shopkeeper didn't say anything as she collect her supplies and set about planting the seeds on the store's dirty counter. 

"Harley?! The bloody hell- You better not kill my worker, you-" "By the way, tell Boo Boo Bear he's dead when I get back." She hung up on the man. She didn't need him anymore. 

"Thanks for the stuff. I'll be sure to give the store a glowing review online." She screamed, skating out of the store with a pot in her arms. The man gave a shuttering sigh as she left.

******************* "...Is there a reason why Harley wants to murder my employer and you, Joker?" Oswald asked. A cloud of feather blew into his face, making him sneeze. 

"YOU IDIOT!" Catwoman growled while hitting Joker repeatedly with a pillow. Robin and Condiment King were also beating Joker with pillows albeit less violently. 

"Batsy, a little help please?" 

" Go for the face, Robin." Batman said with a smirk. He sat on the couch being absolutely no help. 

"Ok, Batdad!" Robin proceeded to shove his pillow into Joker's face, smearing his lipstick across his nose and cheeks. 

"To be fair-" 

"YOU SET THE FREAKING AVENGERS ON IVY! HOW IS THAT FAIR?" Catwoman yelled, so angry that she didn't make cat noises.

"I'll be fine. Harley will fix it and-" 

"NO, YOU'RE FIXING YOUR OWN MESS! I'M NOT LETTING IVY SUFFER FOR YOUR DUMB PLAN!" Catwoman produced a set of keys out of Joker's pockets and tossed them to Batman, much to Joker's surprise. 

"Drive him to THAT!" She said, pointing to the television. A random citizen had picked up the abandoned camera and pointed it shakily at the fight above them. Ivy currently trying hold the Hulk back with her vines as Quicksilver circled around her. "I'll follow on my Catbike. Let's go!" 

"What about me?" Condiment King asked, eager to be included. 

"Go with Batman in Joker's car. Make sure he doesn't get anymore distracted by Joker's face. Wouldn't wanna a car crash on our hands, now would we?" She heard the two protesting loudly as she turned away, smirking. 

Oswald quickly walked back to his room. He didn't know what was going on, and he didn't want to.


	4. Avengers Assemble!

Harley sped her way down Gotham's streets, balancing the flower pot in one arm and her hammer in the other. She finally slowed to a roll when she approached the GCPD building.

"Hey Ivy, are you still up there? I know you're upset, but I have something that may help." Harley yelled towards the roof. A few seconds passed in silence. She was about to yell again, but a blond man looked down at her from the roof. 

"Lady in red! What business to you have here?" The man called at her. 

"Um, I'm looking for my friend, Ivy. She has red hair and wears a lot of green. She's kinda mad at me right now over a misunderstanding so I came to fix it." 

"How honorable! Very well, I'll-"

"THOR, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TALK TO CLOWNS?" 

"Tony, stop your coulrophobia or Thor will fight every clown he sees." 

"Good!" 

"TONY!" A loud groan sounded. "Fine, I'll handle it." 

Another man appeared, looking over the ledge down at her. This one was dressed in a bright blue suit decorated like the Fourth of July. 

"Who are you?" The very patriotic man shouted at her. 

"My name is-" 

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S THE CLOWN'S HENCHWOMAN!" 

"TONY! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?" The patriotic man snapped. 

"BUT THAT IS! JARVIS LOOKED HER UP ALONG WITH THE JOKER! SHE'S HARLEY QUINN!" 

The three stared at her. She started to back up slowly. "Ok, you three look busy so I'll just-" Harley kicked herself into rolling away from the building. 

"Avengers assemble!" Harley pushed her skates to roll faster. She made it down a block before a blur flashed by. Something snagged her skate and sent her tumbling down the sidewalk, sending her hammer and pot flying. 

"You didn't see that coming?" A white haired man taunted, going as far as to stick his tongue out at her. 

Harley quickly got to her feet, scanning the area. Thankfully, both her flower pot and her hammer survived her trip. She scrambled to grab her hammer. 

The man zipped in front of her before she could grab it. She turned to run in the other direction only to find the man already there closing in on her. She backed up until she tripped over her own hammer. 

"Have a nice trip?" The man tainted. "I heard that prison is lovely in the fall." 

Growling, Harley scooped up her hammer and took a swing at the man. Midway through her swing, she realized that the man had moved again. Her hammer swung at nothing, sending her falling to the ground again. 

"Can't catch me!" The man sang, running in a tightening circle around her. Harley stood up and huffed. She waited for a moment. Then, she stuck out her hammer. 

The man ran straight into the hammer's head. He let out a groan before falling pitifully to the ground. 

"Quicksilver!" A lady in red swooped down to meet the fallen man.

"I'm fine." Quicksilver said groggily. The woman sent a glare at Harley, and Harley knew she was in for it. Harley tried to skate away only fall on her face yet again. 

"Huh?" She looked at her feet. Bright pink bunny slippers had replaced her roller skates. She heard the lady snort.

"Hey! I don't know what you did,but give me back my skates, lady!" Harley whined. 

"Alright." The woman smirked. The woman raised her glowing red hands. Her skates returned to being skates-

But her hammer was now an inflatable one. Harley groaned in frustration. 

"If you're not going to play fair, I'm just going to take my things and leave." Harley moved to where her flower pot had fallen and scooped it up. There was a long crack in the side, but the porcelain managed to stay in one piece. 

She sent a look back at the red lady. The lady seemed to be eyeing the pot in her hands. 

"Oh no! You better not-" Harley watched as a plant sprouted from the soil in the pot. "Well, this isn't so b-". Said plant snapped at her hand. Harley jumped, throwing the flower pot into the air. She struggled to catch the thing without getting her finger bitten off. 

The lady was laughing now. As much as Harley wanted to be mad at her, she might have helped her. Now, she had a fully grown plant to give Ivy! The thought made her smile. 

"Thanks Magic Lady!" Harley screamed, skating as fast as she could away. The lady stopped laughing to send a confused look at the retreating clown. 

***********************

"Stop, citizen!" 

Catwoman stopped her motorcycle as Captain Freaking America ran in front of her with his arms waving wildly. Catwoman glared. 

"This area is currently under attack. Please turn around and go home." Captain America explained patiently. 

"I don't have time for this. Move!" She demanded. 

"I can't let you pass. It's dangerous." Captain America said again, unrelenting.

"You don't know who I am, do you?" When Captain America only gave her a confused look, she pulled out her whip. With a snap of her wrist, it wrapped around the man's waist. She snapped her whip back, sending him spinning away. 

"Should've done your homework Cap! No one in Gotham is just a citizen!" Catwoman screeched, revving her motorcycle to speed down the road. 

She quickly got to the GCPD building and parked. She looked down the street, waiting for the purple car to arrive. 

Five minutes passed, then ten. She was about to scale the building herself when the car in question finally pulled up. 

"What the heck took you guys so long?" Catwoman yelled. The Joker poked his head out of a window, holding a fancy bag of candy and looking annoyed.

"Do you know how hard it is to find vegan candy in this city? It's a shame real-" 

"You mean to tell me that you stopped for a snack when Ivy could be in jail!" Catwoman seethed. 

"It's all apart of the-" 

"Enough about your dumb plan!" Catwoman snapped. " If I lose a gal pal to your idiotic plan, you will pay. What were you even trying to do anyway?" 

"He's trying to get Ivy and Harley together." Batman said, stepping out of the vehicle along with Condiment King. 

Catwoman gaped at the clown. "There is a difference between getting two people together and ending the world, right?" 

"...." 

"Whatever! Let's just go!" Catwoman grabbed a handful of vegetation growing on the side of the building and began to climb. Batman pulled the Joker close to him, causing the clown to squeak. 

"Why Bats!" Joker grew excited as Batman pulled out his grappling hook. "I've always wanted to try this!" 

Batman shot the hook at the roof. The hook stuck to the ledge, causing the two to shoot upwards and onto the roof. A second later, Catwoman flipped herself onto the rooftop after them. 

"What about me?" Someone screamed from ground leave. The three looked down. Robin was hopping around, waving his arms in an attempt to get their attention. 

"Oh sh...ucks! I've got you, Robin." Batman shot his grappling hook at the ground. The hook bounced on the ground with its chord hanging down the side of the building. Robin made quick work of scaling the building and got to the roof in seconds.

"No!" Catwoman shouted when Condiment King tried to climb the chord. "You failed me! Go wait in the car!" Condiment King deflated. 

"Now, where's Ivy?" 

"Maybe in that weird helicopter over there!" Robin exclaimed, pointing excitedly at said helicopter. 

The four managed to squeeze into the back of the helicopter. Sure enough, Ivy was there, locked inside a cell that took up most of the helicopter's space. Ivy had her back towards them as she stared at the back wall. 

"How do we get her out?" Robin asked. Batman and Catwoman responded by pulling out complex lock picking tools while Joker presented a bobby pin from his hair. 

"What in the Bifrost are you doing, fiends?" A voice filled the air. Thor squished himself into the already cramped helicopter. 

"Um...we're tourists!" Catwoman shouted, shoving her lock picking tools behind her back as Batman did the same. The other three smiled and nodded a little too vigorously. 

"Hmm..." The man hummed as he considered the group. Thankfully, a weird grating sound came from outside, distracting him.

The group struggled against each other to see what was going on. A grate on the rooftop suddenly fell in. A police officer climbed out along. Another followed and another. Soon, the roof was full of Gotham's finest. 

"You!" A screech came from the grate. Batgirl climbed out of the hole in the ceiling, pointing accusingly at Batman. 

Batman didn't know what he did this time, but surely, he was doomed. 


	5. The Avengers Are Helpful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i tried Sorry if it's a bit ooc

"You absolute butt! Where have you been? We-er I mean these police officers have been held hostage for God know how long! The least you could do was show up!" Batgirl snapped.

"I was on my way!" Batman said defensively. "It's not like they were in any danger!" 

Just as Batman said that, the building quaked, sending many officers stumbling. There was a crack as the roof gave out under Robin's feet, sending Robin falling into the building. 

"Robin!" Everyone screamed in unison. They rushed to the hole left behind. Batman attempted to dive in after his son on to find the hole too small to fit his jacked body. 

Another crack, louder than before, sounded and the building gave another shake as the roof exploded. A gaping hole in the roof revealed itself. 

"I have the bird!" The hole screamed. A few seconds later, Thor flew out of the hole carrying said bird. Thor carefully placed the boy back onto the roof. 

"That was amazing!" Robin squealed. "I was falling and screaming and crying a little and I thought I was gonna go to that place where Batdad almost went but you just swooped in and rescued me! Thank you so much, Mr. Thor! You saved my life!" 

"Twas nothing, young hero!" Thor laughed. 

"Oh, thank god." Batgirl sighed. She was struggling to pull out a hyperventilating Batman out of the roof along with Joker and Catwoman. "Batman, Robin's fine." 

Batman continued breathing rapidly, struggling to hold back tears. How could he let this happen to his own son? What kind of parent was he? He shouldn't have let Robin on a rooftop in the first place, much let him on one on an unstable building. Oh god and now he was gone and it's all-

"Batdad, I'm right here." Robin waved his hands in front of his narrating father. Batman blinked in confusion. 

"Oh-I knew that!" Batman said shakily. 

"He is worrying super hard under that mask." Batgirl said, smirking. 

"I was not! I knew my son would be fine! He is very capable of saving himself!" 

"Actually, Mr. Thor saved me! It was so cool! He is like Superman, but different!" Robin chirped excitedly. 

"Wait, you mean the Avengers are not completely useless?" Joker fake gasped. Even in his state of perpetual sarcasm, Joker flocked Robin, making sure he was alright, along with Catwoman and Batgirl. 

Ignoring the insult, Thor walked over to Batman and yanked him out of the hole like he weighed nothing. Batman blinked, shocked to be suddenly free. 

"There, now both the bird and bat are both safe." Thor said with a smile. Batman stared up at the man in awe. 

"You saved my son." Batman said numbly. Thor looked at him, confused, as Batman pulled him in for a hug. "If you ever need anything, I'll get it. I owe you one." 

"Ok! Ok! Break it up!" Joker said, squishing himself between the two. Joker drew Batman away with a huff, ending up with Batman clinging to him instead. 

"Well, this is certainly-AHHH!" 

"Dave!" Police officers screeched, rushing towards a new hole in the roof where Dave hung by one hand. They managed to haul the officer named Dave back onto the roof. The roof quaked much more violently than before. The officers were beginning to work themselves into a panic.

"We need to get off of this roof now!" Batgirl shouted. 

"No duh, New Gordon. How do you plan to do that?" Joker snapped. She pulled a small device out of her tool belt, smirking smugly. 

"A Harvard for police student is always prepared." She threw the device off the roof over the edge of the roof into the streets. A vwoosh sounded as a giant inflatable bouncy castle filled the streets. 

"Everyone, line up and jump off one at a time! You have exactly three seconds to get off when you hit the castle! NOW GO! GO! GO!" Batgirl started urging officers over the edge. One by one, the officers jumped down screaming until they hit the castle. 

"Robin, Catwoman, Batman, Joker, Thor, go!" Batgirl called. 

"But I think we can get down on our own-" 

The roof's cracks widened, revealing more holes in the roof. The building shook so hard that the group had a hard time standing. Batgirl stared unimpressed at the group. 

Thor was the first to jump off the roof, using his powers to fly to the ground inside of free-falling. The rest of the group rushed to jump down five stories only to the castle with a lazy bounce. 

"You know, of all the things that could've happened with this plan, this is not what I expected to happen." Joker mused as he hopped out of the castle. Batman groaned. 

"Get out of the castle!" Batgirl called at a bouncing Catwoman. 

"No! It's mine now!" Catwoman stuck her tongue out as she continued to defiantly bounce. 

"The only thing I can't figure out is where Harley is-"

"Did someone call my name?" Harley called. She swiftly skated around the castle and skidded to a stop in front.

"Harley!" Catwoman slowed her bouncing to greet the flopping clown. "Where have you been? ....What is that?" Catwoman pointed at what looked like a mutated Venus flytrap. Catwoman almost lost her finger as the thing quickly snapped at her finger like a piranha. 

"Ugh, you wouldn't believe the day I've had. I'll tell you about it later. Any chance you've seen Red around?" 

"Oh sure, she's right over..." Catwoman's heart dropped as she turned to the rumble that once was the GCPD building. The helicopter that held Ivy was lost in the mess of bricks, concrete, and plaster. "Oh, frick!" 

From the shocked look on Harley's face, she figured out what she meant. She quickly scurried towards the wreckage, desperately trying to shift through large pieces of rumble. The rest of the group quickly followed to help her. 

However, the group was stopped when a green giant barreled in front of them. The giant roared, slamming his fists into the ground. 

"HULK SMASH!" Hulk swung his fists over his head as he went to squish the group before him. Before anyone could stop him, Robin rushed forward. 

"No!" Hulk stopped midswing, looking confused at the small hero. "M-maybe, d-on't smash please?" Robin stuttered on, feeling intimidated now that he had the larger man's attention. Thankfully, Hulk actually seemed to consider his request. 

"But...Hulk smash?" The Hulk asked more than announced. The poor guy sounded lost. 

"W-why do you want to smash things?" Robin squeaked. 

"Because Hulk is mad!" Hulk roared, causing Robin to flinch. 

"I-I get that, but maybe you could do something besides beat us up..." Hulk still looked confused. Panicking, Robin searched around for something to smash. An idea popped into his head. "Like that pile of rubble?" 

Hulk smirked. He quickly turned to the former GCPD building and slammed his fists into the rubble. The larger pieces of the shattered roof and walls disintegrated under the large green fists. Hulk punched again, shifting the dust in amongst the wreckage and revealing sleek, black metal. 

"Ok, that's enough, Mr. Hulk!" Robin called. Hulk stopped to look at him. "Don't you feel less angry now?" The Hulk considered the question and shrugged. 

"Maybe, you could try repressing your feelings? Works for my Batdad most of the time!" A second passed as Hulk seemed to sort out his emotions. Slowly, Hilk shrank into a small man. He groaned, looking around in a daze. 

"Where am I-" The man stumbled back as Harley darted past him. 

"IVY!" Harley cleared away the dust and the remaining debris to helicopter doors. The helicopter was caved in and the doors were warped. The sight made Harley's heart hurt. She rushed into the helicopter, hoping against all odds that Ivy was alright. 

The glass cell that held Ivy had a long web of cracks spreading from one corner of the cell. Ivy was pressed again the glass, as still as stone. Grief washed over Harley. She wanted to scream, cry, hit something- to come so far only to find that she was too late to save her best friend/crush.

Ivy's eyes flew open. Her face lit up when she spotted Harley. She pressed herself further into the glass and viciously pounded on the glass. 

Then, Harley did all of the above out of excitement. 


	6. Guess Who's Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter and the long time between chapters I've been busy for the last few weeks but I'm still at it lol

Tears poured from Harley's eyes. Boy had she never felt this happy to see someone alive, and Ivy seemed to feel the same if the relieved look on her face was anything to go by. Ivy pressed against her glass cage and shouted something. That something was muffled by the glass in front of her.

"We'll have to do something about that!" Harley said with a knock on the glass. Ivy took the hint and quickly backed away. Placing the plant on the ground, she squared her shoulders and gave the glass her hardest swing. 

Her hammer gave a small squeak. It collided with the glass wall, squishing harmlessly against the glass. Ivy struggled not to laugh. Stupid magic lady!

"Well, I'd like to see you come up with something better!" Harley pouted. Ivy smirked and pointed behind her. Harley turned. Nothing but a door to the cockpit- now bent off of its hinges was waiting behind her. 

A low scratching sound and suddenly a loud pop sounded. Glass flew and grazed Harley's back, causing her to jump. 

Ivy was holding a metal spike and a circular piece of glass. Along the remains of the wall snaked leaves and vines coming from the potted plant Harley had brought. 

"It seems you underestimated me." Ivy said, stowing her spike away just in time to catch Harley in a hug. 

"Oh my gosh, I thought you were dead! Why didn't you do that sooner!?" Harley shouted, squeezing Ivy tighter. 

"That brute was outside the whole time. I was simply biding my time. Then, there was the whole thing that destroyed the helicopter..."

"Wait a minute!" Harley interrupted excitedly. "You're actually talking to me!" 

"Yes, I realized I was acting a bit rashly..." Ivy watched Harley grab a red pot off of the floor. Ivy made the excess foliage retreat to make the task easier for her. Once the plant was nice and only mildly threatening, Harley picked out a few some stray pieces of glass presented it with a sweet smile. 

Ivy inspected plant only to let out a squeal. "I have no idea what plant this!" 

"Really?" Harley asked."It was a castor oil when I got it."

"Well, I mean it looks like a castor oil plant, but they don't have jaws like a Venus flytrap for one thing. I can't believe it! A new species!" Ivy smiled, practically vibrating with excitement. 

"I'm glad you like Harley III!" Harley chirped. Ivy's smile dropped as she looked confused at the clown. It was then she chose to notice the handwriting in the pot. She blushed. 

"But, I don't know why you'd want it when you have the original." Harley said with a mischievous smirk. Before Ivy could ask what she meant, Harley leaned over to plant a wet kiss on her cheek, leaving a black mark on her face. Ivy's heart sped up. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. 

"You missed." Ivy said dreamily. Harley shot her a confused look. Putting the pot aside, Ivy grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled her into a real kiss. 

Harley smiled against her lips, giggling. Ivy felt a giggle bubble up inside of her. Ivy pulled away from Harley. 

"Stop it! I'm trying to kiss you !" Ivy protested but she was giggling, too. 

"I can't believe it took fighting the Avengers for this. Worth it." Harley said, resting her head on Ivy's shoulder. 

"You fought the Avengers?! Are you ok? Did they hurt you? I'll murder them slowly and use them as fertilizer." Ivy took Harley's face into her hands inspecting her like one of her prized plants. The thought of Ivy caring that much for her made her giddy. 

Harley grabbed her hands and laughed. "I'm fine. The quick guy was mean, but they weren't too hard to beat. I think they are mad about how Boo Boo-" Harley stopped as a realization hit her like a ton of bricks. 

"What is it?" 

"Oh my gosh, remember how Joker got with Batman?"

Ivy rolled her eyes. "Like Joker would let us forget." 

"Well,I don't know how, but he set this all up to be just like that! Setting you up to be made at me, fighting the Avengers, the hard won token of my affections, us getting together..." 

Ivy growled. "Would it be too forward to ask you out to go kill Joker?" 

"Can we get ice cream after?" 

"It's a date!" Ivy smiled, pulling Harley into another kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter and the long time between chapters I've been busy for the last few weeks but I'm still at it lol
> 
> I wrote this with the realization that i basically wrote the same plot points from ironman sucks with a lot more characters in this fic lol


	7. FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

"What exactly did I miss?" Ivy asked Harley. Harley had led Ivy out of the helicopter ruins to find a group of disoriented heroes. A bird hero and a lady in a red suit that Ivy had never seen were attending to an unconscious white hair guy. A particularly patriotic guy was arguing with Batgirl. Both looked ready to fight with other vigilantes and villains gathering around to back them up.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but we're going to have to take these villains into custody." The patriotic man struggled to assert calmly. 

"On what grounds? You guys have no jurisdiction in Gotham!" Batgirl snapped. 

"Ma'am, America is our jurisdiction. Now, I suggest you move before things get ugly." 

"The only thing that'll be ugly is when I have to arrest you!" "Now see here-" The man made a move to get into Batgirl's personal space. She responded by throwing a punch at the man's face out of instinct. The man stumbled back. He stood, clutching his face in surprise before taking his own swing at her. 

All hell proceeded to break loose. Batman quickly moved to back up Batgirl followed by Joker and Catwoman. The bird man and lady in red left the unconscious man on the ground to join the expanding brawl.

Across the street, Robin was sitting on a park bench, chatting with an awkward man in oversized rags that barely qualified as clothing anymore. The boy wonder seemed to be having a good time, smiling and seemed to be talking a mile a minute. 

Ivy chose to follow their lead. With a flick of her wrist, vines exploded upward and curled themselves into poles. The vines continued to grow, weaving themselves into a net and forming a hammock. Harley squealed, taking a running start before jumping onto it. The structure violently swung with the giggling clown. Ivy smiled, choosing to join Harley in a much gentler manner. 

The two laid back in the hammock, watching as the fight took to the air. The lady in red and the blond brute that held Ivy captive were swooping through the air as Batman tried to keep up with his grappling hook. Catwoman had taken to scaling a nearby building to battle the bird man. Batgirl and the patriotic man were still on the ground. They could hear the heavy thuds and metallic clangs of their fistfight. 

"This is nice. It's like a movie." Harley sighed. She shifted to get a better view and ended up pressing into Ivy's side, not that Ivy minded. 

"Too bad there's no snacks." Ivy said. Spending the night fighting with the Avengers certainly worked up her appetite. Just as she said that, Ironman flew over them, screaming "Not again!" A small bag fell as he passed over the two, hitting Harley in the head.

"Ow! What the-" She stared at the bag. It was a fancy pastel green with a canary yellow ribbon keeping it closed. She untied the ribbon to find color gummy candy inside. 

"Well, that's not unsettling at all." Ivy remarked sarcastically. Harley, however, started popping the candy into her mouth. Shrugging, Ivy tried them herself. The pleasant taste of cherry flooded her mouth as she chewed a bright red gummy. She mentally thanked the mysterious entity that was granting wishes. 

"I feel kinda bad." Harley said through a mouthful of candy. "Our friends are fighting. We should be helping." As she said that, a thud sounded nearby. The two scrambled to see what happened, almost ripping themselves out of the hammock. 

Joker was groaning on the ground. He peeled himself off of the ground, groaning. He began to dust himself off when a red bicycle helmet fell to the ground. It smacked him in the head and sent him falling to the ground. This time, he didn't get up. 

"Never mind." Harley said, trying to stifle her giggles. She failed horribly, crumbling into a hysterical fit of laughter. Ivy couldn't help but join in. 

"Ok, I think we should go." Ivy said with a sigh. Harley looked ready to protest. "Come on, some authority greater than the Avengers are bound to show up sooner or later." 

Harley considered this and nodded smiling. "Can we still go get ice cream?" She said excitedly. 

"Hun, it's past midnight, and a superhero fight is transpiring. Nothing is going to be open. Let's just go home." 

Harley groaned in protest, but she still struggled to her feet. She offered her hand to Ivy. She took it and was pulled to her feet into Harley's arms. 

"Harley! What are you doing?" Ivy squeaked. Harley laughed. 

"It'll be faster this way." Harley grabbed Ivy's legs and lifted her bridal style. Before Ivy could protest, Harley was speeding down the street. Ivy gasped. Cold air whipped around them as Harley gained speed. Ivy wrapped her arms around Harley's neck and buried her face in Harley's jacket to hide from it. 

Before she knew it, they were at the hideout. Harley skidded to a stop with a loud screech; however, Harley didn't put Ivy down until they were inside. 

Ivy headed into the area of their warehouse that had been deemed the kitchen which was mostly a collection of stolen appliances scattered on top of crates. The appliances were a random assortment ranging from retro toasters and brightly colored mixers to a full chrome fridge with scratches resulting from its theft. Ivy opened the fridge. It was full of Tupperware. 

"What the heck?" Ivy pulled out on. It was full of a thick mint green substance. Mechanical whirls and heavy thuds approached her from behind. 

"Can you pass me the strawberry?" Ivy whirled around. She was not surprised to find Mr. Freeze towering over him in his mechanical body suit. 

"What is this stuff?" 

"It's ice cream. I made a lot for the party." 

"Oh! Do you have rocky road?" Harley squished against Ivy to look through all the Tupperware. 

"What party?" Ivy asked as Harley handed her Tupperware for her to hold. After the fourth, she was holding a pink tupperware that Mr. Freeze took gratefully. 

"We're having ice cream in the living room to celebrate. A bunch of heroes got arrested. It's all over the news." Mr. Freeze said with a laugh. He stomped his way back into the living room. Ivy stood there shocked. 

"Come on!" Ivy grabbed Harley's arm and pulled her away from the fridge. Both of them were still holding more ice cream than they could eat, but Ivy yanked them into the living room anyway. 

Ivy stopped and stared in shock. Vicki Vale was on the small television overlooking the ruins of the GCPD building where they had just been; however, there were a lot of police cars surrounding the wreckage. The heroes were all lined up in handcuffs and with their heads bowed in shame. Ivy sighed. It's a good thing they left when they did. 

"It seems the plantpocolypse that the villain known as Poison Ivy was not the only mayhem. The hero group known as The Avengers were called in to stop Poison Ivy only to get into a skirmish with our very own vigilantes, Batman and Batgirl. The fight lasted a few minutes before the police were able to talk some sense into the heroes. While most of these heroes will be spending the night at Blackgate, it seems that the actual villains managed to escape except for the Clown Prince of Crime himself." 

The television cut to the clown himself. Despite being in handcuffs, Joker looked very pleased with himself. He smiled for the camera and attempted to wave. 

"Care to say anything before you get shipped off to prison?" Vicki held out the microphone for him to speak. 

"This is to my bestest friend ever, Harley. I wish you all the happiness. Also, I wanna be the best man at the wedding! See ya at the end of my sentence!" Joker ended with a maniacal laugh.

"Wait, you're getting married?" Someone spat. Ivy turned. In her haste, she didn't notice the rest of Penguin was sitting on the couch with a bowl of vanilla ice cream. His penguins were scattered around him, pecking at stray pieces of popcorn. Scarecrow was perched on the armrest licking a cone with more sprinkles than ice cream. Riddler was sprawled on the floor eating ice cream straight out of a Tupperware flooded with chocolate syrup. 

And all of them were staring at them. 

"Um-" 

"Move over, birds!" Harley suddenly screeched, effectively ending the conversation. A few penguins that were on the couch scrambled away from the scary clown to crowd Penguin. He grumbled, complaining about getting feathers in his ice cream, but he didn't kick them off. Harley gestured for Ivy to sit. Ivy smirked as an idea popped into her head. Ivy sat, but she then grabbed Harley's arm, pulling Harley into her lap. Ivy laughed at the surprised look on her face. 

"Riddle me this: I can't be bought, but I can be stolen with a glance. I'm worthless to one, but priceless to two. What am I?" Riddler said, sending the two the most smug look he could muster. 

"Oh, real mature, Nygma!" Harley snapped. Ivy, still holding three tubs of ice cream, ripped the lid off of the first one and threw a handful at him at his face, effectively wiping the look off of it. 

"No fair!" Riddler screeched, quickly wiping the green ice cream into a smear on his face. He took his spoon and loaded ice cream onto it. Using the spoon as a catapult, he quickly sent a volley of ice cream at the two. 

Harley squealed. Cold liquid quickly seeped through her clothes as the globs hit her. Craving revenge, she grabbed her own tub and started throwing ice cream back. Ivy laughed as one glop knocked the silly bowler hat off of his head. 

It was all fun and games until they heard a surprised squawk. The three turned. One of Penguin's penguins had a brown smear down its white chest. Penguin was quick to tend to the bird like a mother. He sent an ugly glare at Riddler. 

Riddler tried to scramble away, but Penguin was over him with his bowl of ice cream before he knew it. Glaring, Penguin slammed the bowl onto Riddler's head. Ice cream slowly ran down his face. 

"Hey guys, I'm back with more sprinkles since Crane-Oh for the love of-" Mr. Freeze cried. Three of them looked guilty at the man. Riddler had other plans, grabbing his tub of ice cream and shoving it onto Penguin's head. 

Penguin growled through the rivers of chocolate syrup dripping down his face. "You should know better than to try and drown a penguin, Nygma!" 

"Riddle me this-" The Riddler took off running with Penguin close on his tail 

"This is why we're villains. We ruin nice things!" Mr. Freeze yelled, throwing his arms up in defeat. 

"Hey, shut up! I'm trying to watch!" Scarecrow rasped. He pointed to the television. The police were loading the heroes and villain into a truck headed to Blackgate penitentiary.

"Are we really gonna let Joker go to jail?" Ivy asked.

"After all he put us through? Serves him right!" Harley scoffed.

"What about Catwoman?" 

"She wasn't arrested so-"

The hideout's front door slammed open. The devil herself along with Robin quickly scrambled in, out of breath. 

"...what the heck? Mrreow." Catwoman asked lowly as she surveyed the mess in the living room. The situation hit Ivy and Harley, and they burst into a fit of laughter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lame ending and taking so long with this lol I tried  
> Also I stole riddlers riddle from the tv show Gotham if u don't watch it u should it's amazing
> 
> I wanna thank everyone who supported this this is the most response I've gotten on a fanfic and I really appreciate it thanks for reading ^u^

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, this was supposed to be a one chapter but it ended up longer than I expected. I hope this makes sense lol The avengers will show up later  
> Liked this chapter? Leave a comment and kudos! They make my day ^u^  
> also My tumblr is lawlilawliet if you'd want to drop by


End file.
